Plugging in with the Family

Much has been made of technology.  Without doubt, today’s society is driven through the advancement of technology.  Everywhere you look we are surrounded by these advancements, and it would be hard to argue that these innovations have not made our lives better.  The technological advancements have substantially changed the landscape of science, medicine and educational systems.  Technology has also changed the family as well, and not all of this change is good.  Seemingly today, parents and children alike cannot function without their cell phones, iPads, and other perceived must have devices.  I myself am no different than any others and have often fallen victim to the, have to know and be connected bug that has hit our society.   The constant and never ending need to be connected has dramatically change today’s family makeup, however it does not have to change our core values of family.

We are constantly connected via email, text messages and social media feeds such as facebook and twitter.  Throw in various twenty-four hour news channels, and we are constantly as Gretchen calls it, “plugged in”.   The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours of entertainment time per day for school-age kids, and no more than one hour per day before school-age. This encompasses basically any electronic device that has a screen on it, including TVs, computers, video games, iPhones, iPads, iPods or any other yet-to-be-invented entertainment device.  Still with these recommendations, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation, kids between the ages of 8 and 18 consume more than 7 hours of entertainment media during a typical day. Factor in “media multitasking” (using more than one medium at a time) and that time ticks up to 10 hours and 45 minutes of daily consumption.  I often think back and wonder, how did I survive as a kid with one rotary telephone and thirteen channels? Thanks to the recent storm season, that left many without power, this question was about to be answered.  Just like then, I survived because we were “unplugged” from devices and “plugged” into each other.  

Being unplugged allowed me, as a father, to revisit my own childhood with my girls, while hopefully instilling the importance of uninterrupted quality time that my parents had with me.  One of my favorite ways of spending time growing up was playing board and card games.  As was often the case, likely due to the low cost and high amount of family time, this was the norm rather than the exception in my childhood. So with the storm looming and the thunder and lightning playing havoc with our power, there would be no better way to pass time, share laughter, and learn lessons of competition and sportsmanship than through games such as Trouble, Sorry, and Kendall and Reese’s all-time favorite Pretty Pretty Princess.  

The quality time being unplugged and plugged into your family is unmatched.  We played game after game, much to everyone’s enjoyment they all seemed to enjoy beating dad! Amazingly as the hours turned into days, nobody was concerned with lacking technology as we were having way too much fun laughing and playing. They especially laughed when I donned the necessary winning jewelry:  necklace, bracelet, earrings, ring and crown when I became the princess.  Without power, it was uninterrupted family time, something that shamefully is missing as a core value in today’s society.  In her book, "The Winter of Our Disconnect"  author Susan Maushart,  overwhelmed by the tireless presence of electronic media in both her own life and the lives of her three teenagers, made the unpopular decision to cut the cord from the digital world. What started as simply a challenging experiment ended up completely changing the way she and her kids related to each other.  

I urge you to find a way to unplug.  I promise you, with the media access we have you can always catch up on social happenings.  Listen as Trace Adkins’ hit song alludes to, You’re Gonna Miss This, and allow it to remind you that you can never get back the moments and lessons while being “unplugged” with your family.

Monthly Quote: “Technology is nothing. What's important is that you have a faith in people, that they're basically good and smart, and if you give them tools, they'll do wonderful things with them.” ~ Steve Jobs

Monthly Challenge: You may not have to go to the extreme of 6 months as Susan Maushart put her family through, but make it an emphasis to limit screen time for yourself and children.  Chart the hours your family spends being plugged in versus being unplugged.  Remember our children often  watch more closely than we may think, we must model being “unplugged”.

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The Real Dancing with the Stars: Celebrating The Dance Dad

First things first, I am not a dancer.  Secondly, I am in no way a star, or implying that I am.  But, I must say it was an extreme pleasure joining roughly 100 other dads, become what I would call The Real Dancing with the Stars.  This first weekend in June led us to the annual dance recital put on by Miss Jennifer’s Dance Studio. This is my fifth year of attending dance, but only my second performance.  For those wondering, I have however had lots of training in watching.  This past year, the girls and I made the voyage to Kids’ America three days a week for lessons.  This I would say was just the continuance of being a dance dad.  Looking back at my upbringing, I guess in some ways I have been in training to become a dance dad since my early childhood days.  My sisters were highly involved in dance, one in fact has been an instructor for twenty-five plus years; so if my math is pretty accurate, this would be about my 36th year of dance.  One would think I would be better than what I am.  Let’s just say, two left feet may be a compliment.

Every two years, the studio has a father daughter dance as part of its recital.  Let us begin there.  As dads, we felt the nervousness of learning our routine as we practiced in the studio.  Two practices are set, although you are required to attend only one, most of us are not what we would call proficient enough after lesson one,  so we decided to return for a second lesson.  In reality, for many of us, it is just another opportunity to spend time with our daughters doing what they love.  So with that, we filled the room with looks and laughter, with smiles and high fives, with hugs and kisses.  This was just the beginning, of what would soon become some incredible memories and performances.  

As butterflies fluttered in our stomachs, we made our  way on stage, jokingly just prior to this, several of us shared that it would be a success if nobody fell off stage, but in our hearts we knew the success would really be holding our daughters and having our One Shining Moment with them.  This performance would be special.  On stage, our daughters would dance with a man who loves them unconditionally, the one who loved them first.  No matter how the dads made their way to the stage, whether  being urged to take the stage by their wives, or by getting  “the look” from their mothers-in-law, the lasting impact it will have on their daughters will run deeper than we will ever know.  Sometimes as fathers we tend to underestimate the influence we have on our daughters, but the simple truth is that dads matter – a lot.  In fact, several studies have shown that girls with fathers who are actively involved in their lives are more likely to have higher grades, more confidence, more social adaptability and are better able to deal with frustrations.  In her book “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters – 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know,” author Meg Meeker, wrote “The most important person in a young girl’s life is her father. The love you give her is her starting point. If you have a good relationship, she will choose boyfriends who will treat her well. If she sees you as open and warm, she’ll be confident with other men.”  As the most important man in their lives, daughters look to dads for leadership, protection, provision and to teach them how they should be treated. Fathers set the standard that every other man who comes into their lives will be held to.

I was incredibly proud to be part of Miss Jennifer’s Dance Studio presentation, “A Year of Dance”.  I was incredibly proud to share the stage with Kendall, Reese and the other fathers and daughters.  I am incredibly proud of Reese completing her first year of dance.  I am incredibly proud of Kendall for receiving her 5th year award, but even more proud that she stopped to personally say “thank you” to Miss Jennifer as she exited the stage.  I am incredibly proud to be dubbed a “dance dad”.  

So sorry Kellie Pickler, and the 15 previous winners of the so-called hit TV show Dancing with the Stars, the real dancers and stars were on stage June 1st and 2nd at Coshocton High School McKinley Auditorium.  And if you don't believe me, just ask any mom, grandparent or family friend that was in attendance; the spark and tear in their eye that will carry on in their memories, videos and pictures say it all.  I say “Thank You” to Gretchen, Kendall, Reese, and the numerous moms that helped this “dance dad” during “A Year of Dance”. 

  

Monthly Quote: Dance with me Daddy, I take him by the hand, Like a prima ballerina, atop his shoes I stand. With my first and favorite partner, we glide across the floor, By the spark in his eyes, I know I'm loved and adored. He is charming and funny, he is big and strong, we laugh, I twirl and giggle, as I follow him along. We dance into each other's hearts, sweet memories of these days. Daddy and I will dance again, the day he gives my hand away. - Poem by Teri Harrison.

Monthly Challenge: Cities around the country have linked father-daughter dances together into a national event highlighting the important role of fathers in the lives of their children. Whether it is on stage or in the living room of your own home, make time to dance with your daughter.  

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Celebrating Mother’s Day through a Son and Father’s Eyes

According to Wikipedia, “Mother's Day is a celebration honoring mothers and motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, most commonly in March or May. It complements Father’s Day, a similar celebration honoring fathers.”  This begs the question, “Where would we be without Mom?”  This has to be a question that resonates within all fathers, and has special significance with all fathers as we celebrate Mother’s Day each year.  As important as fatherly influence is for young men, a mother’s impact through compassion, care and love is equally important in the development of family structure.   As fathers, it is vitally important that we share the significance of this tremendous day in honor of the ladies in our lives that made it all possible.  We all have our own unique ways of celebrating this day.  From sending flowers to breakfast in bed, to the gifts the children just cannot wait for Mom to open, our involved and accepting role as fathers plays a major impact into celebrating this day. 

The United States celebrates Mother’s Day on the second Sunday in May.  Mother's Day was said to be loosely inspired by American abolitionist and social activist Julia Ward Howe after the American Civil War. Its original intent was to unite women against war. In 1870, she wrote the Mother's Day Proclamation as a call for peace and disarmament. However strong, she failed in her attempt to get formal recognition of a Mother's Day for Peace.  Some credit is given to Howe; however it is widely considered that Ann Jarvis, a young Appalachian homemaker is mostly credited with the implementation of Mother’s Day.  When Jarvis died in 1907, her daughter, named Anna Jarvis started the crusade to establish a memorial day for women. The first such Mother's Day was celebrated in Grafton, West Virginia, on May 10, 1908. Grafton is the home to the International Mother's Day Shrine. Thus the  custom of celebrating all mothers as we know it quickly caught on. The holiday was declared officially by some states beginning in 1912. In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson declared the first national Mother's Day, as a day for American citizens to honor mothers whose sons had died in war.  As with all commercialization, Jarvis' holiday was adopted by other countries and it is now celebrated all over the world.

The Reverend Theodore Hesburgh was quoted as saying, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother”.  Think about how incredibly important those sixteen words are in the development of fatherhood and the development of families.  How we were raised by our mothers to demonstrate dignity, show respect to all people, and how to correctly treat the ladies in our lives are lasting impacts we as fathers use to raise our own families.  Without a doubt, family structures have changed in recent times, not in all places are “The Walton’s” or what was once considered the traditional family prevalent.   However, the lessons we all learned from our Moms’ love makes a direct impact on our fathering skills. 

I love the saying that Mr. William Johnson, Chairman of the Coshocton County Fatherhood Initiative, has often shared with groups that he is working with through FAMILY PACT and ALL PRO DADs; “Love is spelled T. I. M. E.”.  Think about the best gifts you ever got that special lady, and I would guarantee looking back now the most special gift is that gift of love, the time you spent with them, honoring them. 

I recently got to spend some real quality time with my mom who just celebrated her 70^th birthday.  She has always been there for my two older sisters, my older brother and me.  She appreciates the simplest things in life. She lives by the Golden Rule: treat folks like you’d like to be treated.  My mom was not just the rock of our family, in many ways she was the rock of our block growing up.  She was the neighborhood mom if you will.  For some reason, even though we really didn’t have the biggest or nicest yard on our block, our yard was the place to be.  Family is all that matters to my mother. Family was not only her first priority it was her only priority. Nothing ever got in the way of that. She has always put the rest of the family ahead of herself. All she cared about was providing for our needs; having a roof over our head, clothes for us to wear, and food for us to eat.  Unfortunately for our family she has had to do it alone for the last 22 years.  I think back to the fact that for over one half of my life, she has taught me how to be a man, and hopefully a  good father through lessons of respect, and most importantly how to love others, especially my wife and children.  She has taught lessons I am sure that she is not even aware of that I have learned and implemented into my life.  I look forward to celebrating Mother’s Day not only with my own mom, but with Gretchen as well.  I hope she enjoys the gift of love spelled T.I.M.E. that Kendall and Reese look to provide as much as I do. 

Monthly Quote: "There are no adequate substitutes for father, mother, and children bound together in a loving commitment to nurture and protect. No government, no matter how well-intentioned, can take the place of the family in the scheme of things." ~ Gerald Ford

 Monthly Challenge: Take time to list the top 10 qualities you have learned from your mother that have helped to shape the person that you are today.  If possible, create and frame your list.  It is the perfect gift from your heart. 

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March Madness vs. March DADness

I have been involved with the game of basketball since early in the 2nd grade. I first enjoyed the game as a biddy player, and then my commitment to the game continued as I got older to a ball boy, a player, and finally a coach.  One of my greatest pride and joys is being able to recant stories of great games and times that the games have blessed me with, either as a participant or spectator.  I flourish being with friends at this time of the year, especially with my great friend and father figure Roger Huebner, who recently attended is 46th consecutive OHSAA Boys Basketball State Tournament.  Fortunately for me, I have been able to attend parts of the last twenty-six tournaments with him.  The importance of this cannot be overstated.  Roger and his family have been very instrumental in my own family’s development.  This quality is demonstrated every time when I call their home and his wife candidly reports to me as “his good son”.  This is humorous and humbling at the same time, you see they do not have a son; they were blessed with two great daughters.  Roger has helped me, as a father of two young daughters, gain insight and knowledge on what it takes to be a great dad.  I see the relationships that he maintains with his now grown daughters, as one that I cherish, one that I hope to emulate.  

As a basketball junkie, there is probably no better time of the year. March Madness.  In my opinion, the greatest sporting event of the year concludes in Atlanta by crowning the NCAA Men’s Basketball National Champions. People of all ages fill out their brackets attempting to predict who will survive and advance round by round.  Being a person that has been fully consumed in the past, evident by attending multiple  tournament games including 5 Final Fours, I  really never thought the day would come that I would turn off and away from the NCAA tournament to find myself watching what the girls in my house call “my shows”.  Probably to nobody’s bigger amazement than my own, this seemingly occurred in the last two weeks in our home.  Do you mean, that in my opinion the best sporting event of the year, March Madness, has to take a back seat to Doc McStuffins?  My buddies must be astonished.  Who does this Doc McStuffins play for anyway they must wonder?  Don’t get me wrong, I still got my fair share of game coverage, but this March we decided to have more DADness than madness.  

What is March DADness you may ask?  All Pro Dad,capitalizing on our country’s obsession with the bracket challenge made famous by the men’s tournament, developed a challenge of their own titled March DADness.  During this daily bracket challenge, fathers were asked to vote and pick the greatest TV dad of all time. All Pro Dad, serving as the selection committee, compiled a list of over one hundred TV dads throughout history and narrowed the list down to 15, the 16th pick (or at-large pick) was determined by vote of dads to be Howard Cunningham from Happy Days, who I believed to be tremendously under seeded. The top sixteen dads from the history of TV were formed and seeded.  I don’t know how active of a voter I will be, but what great conversation we have had as a family sharing our brackets as to who we think was the best, and why. If you visit allprodad.com, you can follow along.  Amazingly there has been about as much chatter about fathers such as John Walton being left off the list as a team that was on the NCAA bubble and left out of the Big Dance.  However, what is very interesting is that even though the fathers seeded in the challenge span generations, from Ward Cleaver’s main function in the series Leave it to Beaver, ending each episode with moral instruction for one or both of his errant sons, to Duck Dynasty’s Willie Robertson whose bio states, “Willie loves being outdoors with his family and friends and is happiest at home in West Monroe, La with his wife Korie and children, John Luke, Sadie, Will and Bella”.  A dad’s impact is forever remembered.

The fathers fortunate to make the sweet sixteen embodied many of the same characteristics that make all fathers great found in this month’s challenge.  They gave of themselves; they loved their families, taught discipline and instilled trust. Bill Cosby, the author of "Fatherhood", once stated, "In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck, and, of course courage".  As much as I am looking forward to the results of the NCAA tournament, I may be more interested in the impact March DADness has on me as a father.  I think lessons can be learned in each arena, I guess I am just very thankful we have had those before us.   Whether you have a person like Roger in your life, or a TV dad that has assisted you along your individual paths as a father, positives influences for fathers are all around us.

As the conclusion of the NCAA championship game nears, I think of how the game coverage wraps-up with the Luther Vandross song “One Shining Moment.”  As fathers, we have embraced each of our “One Shining Moments” as they come to us.  No matter the amount of practice time we put into fatherhood, the numerous crucial buzzer beater plays we must create and follow through with concerning our children and families to the countless over-time hours we put in to be great fathers there is no doubt, the “madness” of fatherhood is so well worth every minute!

Monthly Challenge:   Look over All Pro Dad classic Top 10 list to see how well you measure up as a father.  Set a measurable goal by assigning each key point listed one point.  Take the time to keep a daily or weekly score and discuss your evidence of what or how you did.  Have your family keep score with you and you will have impactful conversations. 

  

1. Love your Wife

2. Spend time with your kids

3. Be a Role Model

4. Understand and Enjoy your children

5. Show Affection

6. Secure Your Families Financial Security

7. Eat Together as a Family

8. Discipline with a Gentle Spirit

9. Pray and Worship Together

10. Realize You are a Father Forever

Monthly Quote: Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow. - Reed Markham, American educator

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