The Price of Safety

I recently had to take my car in for a service call.  With the Thanksgiving holiday break, I was fortunate that I didn't have to have my car on a daily basis for work purposes, but with the holiday, I was hindered by the garage also taking much deserved breaks to be with their families as well to celebrate their thanks, thus delaying the service of my vehicle.

So for the past several days, my family and I have been driving my wife's automobile to our destination, something that we generally do not do.  As we began driving, I first noticed that the radio was turned up to a loud level, one that I would say was louder than normal, and I just figured my wife, who like all others enjoys singing while driving alone :), was just jamming to one of her favorite tunes.

As we started down the road, I noticed that her car was not handling as well as I remembered, and felt that the ride was a "little rough".  After a short few miles, my observation quickly turned to the loud noise of bad tires.  This explains why the radio was so loud! It was hard to hear with the loudness of the tire.

Merry Christmas Honey! New tires! I think was my initial response.  So as protocol for the day we discussed and scoured the internet for the best holiday deals, and as I sat in the tire shop, looking over the paperwork of prices, warranties, and disclaimers, I came to two realizations: Looks can sometimes be deceiving, and you can't put a price on the safety and protection of your family.  Even though from an outside appearance level the tires looked good, upon further investigation I viewed two really worn tires, which the auto technician later relayed there were three.  I am sure that I will have to pay more than I would like, especially during the holiday season to get her car back on the road, but the price for the peace of mind, knowing that what we were doing was taking a step towards protection is certainly worth more than the sticker shock.

Automobiles and servicing them is expensive.  This is simply unavoidable.  However, having a reliable and safe means of transportation is paramount to career and family functions.  As we look for sales, especially this time of year, make sure that your discount is not in the name of safety.  Granted you do not have to have a brand new set of wheels with all the bells and whistles, however you do need to be able to have your family safe, which always becomes even more relevant during the winter months of ice and snow.

Let's put this into two parent perspectives.

Parent perspective #1:

The average life expectancy is right around 78.6 years. Of that time, we will drive our car on an average 4.3 years of our lives while covering the distance in miles to the moon and back 3 times!  We will spend 3 months of our lives just sitting in traffic!  At a going rate of 13,476 miles per year driven, we spend lots of time relying and dependent on our vehicles.

Parent perspective #2:

We often want our children to have what they want, from gadgets to clothes, and we justify this by saying things such as, “I want them to have more than what I had growing up".  I have even gone in this direction of justification within my own family.  Growing up in my family, I wouldn't say we were dirt poor, but we were certainly dusty! :)  However lessons I learned from my dad included the value of safety, the value of making good decisions, and the value of needs vs. wants.

It was often common practice when I was growing up in my neighborhood, that we all had our own service garages in our own driveways.  We were raised to be the “rotate the tires, change your own oil, and replace the plugs” kind of kids.   It was a time that you could work on cars, to keep the family safe, to keep the vehicle in the best shape possible.  From an early age, I learned that taking care of things is a valuable skill.

In fact, a great story to visualize this was when I was under the car on ramps fixing a catalytic converter when my sister first brought home this city slicker, that later would become her husband.  I have often asked him what he was thinking of his initial visit.  I always love his response, as he shared that he was hoping I was not part of a hugging type of family, with that grease all over me! :))

With holiday sales beginning prior to the holidays, and stores being open nearly 24 hours and at our disposal online, don't forget about the most important purchases, those that protect your family.  Don't forget about the valuable skill that we have an obligation to teach our children.  It is not about our kids getting, or having the best of things, or even about having more than we did growing up.  Our responsibilities as parents are not about the tokens and toys, the bells and whistles.

Our responsibilities do include being around for our children, to get them to and from all their events.  It is about having mom and dad traveling safely to and from work, stores, and other engagements.  It about passing on the valuable skills of protection, even if that price seems expensive at the time.

Monthly Quote:  "Success will always be with you as long as you place safety as the first priority." - Top 10 Safety Slogans

Monthly Challenge: Invest time to check the safety of your transportation.  In doing so, keep in mind that you are protecting your most important commodity, your family.  There are numerous upkeeps that can be monitored in the comfort of your own driveway.  Continuous upkeep is cheaper than complete overhaul.

Fatherhood Engaged: No Phone Needed!

It is well documented that when fathers are involved in their children’s lives, children learn more, thus consequently do better in school, and exhibit healthier behaviors thus avoiding the dangers of poor health habits such as being involved in alcohol and drugs.  Therefore the key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things?  Because time is all you have? This was the key message that I recently delivered during the Coshocton County Fatherhood Initiative All Pro Dad breakfast.  

We must always remember that love in fatherhood language is spelled T, I, M, E.  There is no replacement for spending time engaged with our children.  It makes no matter what you do, what matters is that it is done together.  My recommendation is to do the free things, or the minimal cost things, because if you do, you want have to pay the big ticket price!

Think about this scenario that happens daily in households across our land.  “Dad, you wanna go outside and play catch?” a child may ask.  “In a little bit or a little bit later” a dad may respond as they are talking on their cell phone, looking at their cell phone, or even looking for their cell phone.  At that very moment, we should all picture Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards from the hit movie, TOP GUN bellowing out the Righteous Brothers tune, “You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin”.  Because you have just lost that opportunity.   You have missed out on precious time, and remember time=love.

I wrote last time, that we are often being busy, at just being busy.  I thought I would take a deeper look at this concept with regards to fatherhood and the use of a resource that many would say we cannot live without: our cell phone.  Did you know according to a popular website,  Mail Online:

• People look at their phones the most between peak hours of 5pm and 8pm
• During these hours, 75% of users are actively using their devices
• Average number of times a user checks their phone is nine times an hour
• This increases to once every six seconds for 'highest frequency users'
• The average user reaches for their phone at 7:31am in the morning
• These users check personal emails and Facebook before they get out of bed
• And many of us pick up our phones more than 1,500 times each week
• Average owners use their phone for three hours and sixteen minutes a day
• And almost four in ten users admitted to feeling lost without their device

Color it scary!  What may be most alarming is that peak hours are what was once and still should be considered family time.  We often speak of kids and the need to reduce their screentime, but we had better take an honest look at what we say, and more importantly what we do.  The days of, “Do what I say, and Not as I do”, are a thing of the past.  Modeling is huge, after all, kids do not care how many sermons you preach to them, the only sermon they hear is how you live your life in front of them.  

In her book, The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age,  Dr. Steiner-Adair examines ways in which technology and media change how children learn and grow, and shows parents how to balance the benefits of tech while reducing the risks it poses at every stage of development.  Steiner-Adair says that as a parent, carving out time to turn off devices — to disconnect from the wired world and engage with the real people who are all around you — is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and the people you love.

I recently put this to practice as this past Sunday, when just a couple of minutes from home, I realized that I had accidentally left my cell phone at home as we left for church.   So, the question I asked myself, and then aloud was should I turn back to get it.  I was assured by Kendall that there was no reason to turn back.  This day was just going to be about us.  Hearing this coming from a young girl, that often asks about getting a cell phone or ipad of her own, I agreed and we traveled on.

I am glad I left my phone behind.  We had real conversation.  We had breakfast.  We travelled to visit the burial ground of my father where what has become a tradition,  she made and left a birthday card for my dad who would have celebrated his 72nd birthday on this day.  We visited the farm that my father grew up on, and I shared stories from when I was her age of what we all did on the farm.  I shared how my brother and I would ride a tandem bike down the once empty lane now named, Polen Road. We visited my mother (her Grandma) and my in-laws (her Grandparents).  Imagine doing all of this, without a cell phone, no interruptions, no GPS needed, it was a great day of connecting.  Abigail Van Buren was famously quoted as saying, “If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money.”    This day was a great day.  This day really didn’t cost anything but time, and remember TIME = LOVE.

Monthly Quote:  We must keep in mind that in the business world, what you don’t get done today can be done tomorrow, but with family, what doesn’t get done today is gone forever. - Rory Vaden

Monthly Challenge: Knowing the statistics, increase your family time as you make an effort to limit your cell phone use.  Pay particular attention to the peak hours of use, and commit to having a mandatory unplug for family time.

Don't Blink, and Let it Go!

Don’t Blink and Let it Go

So often we hear that as adults we are stressed in our daily lives, that we are just so busy, we are running in all directions.   When I hear this, and live it myself at times, I am reminded of a line from one of my all time favorite movies, Shawshank Redemption, when Brooks says -- "The world went in got in a big darn hurry.”  

Stress strains relationships. Stress makes parenting significantly more difficult. Stress has serious health ramifications.  The top ten causes of stress, according to the American Psychological Association (2013) American Institute of Stress, are job pressure, money, health, relationships, poor nutrition, media overload, and sleep deprivation.

So what are we stressed about? Why are we so busy? Far too often we get caught up in and bogged down with the minutia of life.  Funny how it is possible to be caught up and bogged down at the same time isn't it? Whether it be the arguments that ensue from getting kids ready in the morning while doing their hair, the task of completing homework, or getting them to bed, we must  find pleasure in the fact that we have a child to do these things with no matter how stressful or frustrating the tasks may seem at the moment.  

The busyness of today sometimes creates a void, and with an onslaught of events, we would benefit from the words that Kenny Chesney poignantly states in his 2007 hit song, “So I've been trying to slow it down, I've been trying to take it in, In this 'here today, gone tomorrow' world we're living in, So don't blink.”  Quite simply we need to find a way to enjoy these times we have, we had, "Best start putting first things first 'Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand, You can't flip it over and start again.”

Far too often busyness and stress can cause us to focus on what we believe to be urgent instead of what matters most, and our priorities become somewhat skewed.  We focus on our to-do list instead of our children and worry about our own survival instead of building thriving relationships.  Busyness and stress keep us from caring about the people and things we are supposed to care about.

My good friend Jason Barger recently reminded me of this and it became the entire premise of his book, Stepback from the Baggage Claim.  Like many fathers, I would guess you have heard your children sing over and over again  “Let it go, let it go!” This song has echoed throughout our house.  Reese, along with every other five year old has been singing the hit song from the movie, Frozen.  More recently I have even seen this song  being used in educational settings, and to help relax children, having sort of a yoga effect. From all over the house we are reminded to “Let it go, let it go!”

You know our children sometimes understand, or “get it” sooner than we do, maybe we do need to keep our eyes wide open, and learn to just let it go.

Monthly Quote:

“One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from a horse master. He told me to go slow to go fast. I think that applies to everything in life. We live as though there aren't enough hours in the day but if we do each thing calmly and carefully we will get it done quicker and with much less stress.”  - Viggo Mortensen

Monthly Challenge:

Since we all face stress, take time to Implement these four steps when dealing with stress provided by All Pro Dad:

1. Reprioritize what is most important
2. Take a step toward health
3. Nurture Family Relationships
4. Manage Media Consumption

Defining my Mentors Impact in One Word

For those who know me, they know I have a passion for quotes, motivation, and all things leadership.  Evident by the nine binders in my office, and numerous more files at home containing both handwritten and typed sheets of notes from conferences, seminars and various books over the years.  Some may say that it’s a bit of an obsession.  Although some may disagree, I believe it is a healthy addiction.  

Serving as a building principal, I have continued a tradition that is twenty years in the making.  I begin every day with a quote hoping to reach, inspire, and challenge students, staff, and myself alike.  

Similarly, each year I have also come up with a theme for the school year.  Again, for those who know me best,  they understand my desire to become better each day.  Part of my personal improvement goal is to read as many books as I can during the summer months.  Among others, this summer’s author of choice was Jon Gordon.   In particular, his book, “One Word that will change your life,” resonated with me so much that it has impacted me in two majors ways.  First,  it has become Warsaw Elementary’s theme, with staff members coming up with their own One Word that serves as a reminder, and helps them to keep a focus on their yearly goals.  Secondly, I thought about mentors that have had an impact on me as a father.  I spent time in thought and came up with the names of four men, although there are more, who I have learned tremendous lessons from and that have had an impact on my ongoing fatherhood.  I  put into writing what their One Word impact was to me with hopes of encouraging you to do the same.  

My four fatherhood mentors that have changed my life: Kyle Kanuckel, Roger Huebner, Mike “Gunner” Gunther, and Bob Alsept.  

Kyle: The one word that I associate with Kyle’s impact  is Loyalty.  Loyalty, is defined as having a strong feeling of support or allegiance.  Always, being a man of high character, Kyle always takes time to listen, support, and educate me, as well as others.  I learned from watching how he carried himself; balancing his career and fatherhood and how he treats his wife with utmost respect. Some may say Kyle is loyal to a fault, but to me his loyalty has helped shape me as a father.  Among many of Kyle’s lessons is that he always puts the needs of others before his own.  From his great advice while dealing with being married and raising kids, “I can be right, or I can be happy, and I choose to be happy”, and the respect he demonstrated to the River View community, Kyle has had a lasting impact on me through his loyalty.  Even now as a father of two adult daughters, as well as a grandfather, Kyle’s loyalty is unwavered.  Loyalty is paramount to becoming significant as a father.

Roger:  The one word I most associate with Roger is Support.  Defined as, showing that you approve or to give help or assistance.  No matter what his children were involved in, Roger was always there.  Roger always made sure his children’s needs were met.  He also became one of my biggest supporters and best friends during my early coaching days.  I can vividly recall a tremendous conversation I had with Roger while seeking advice prior to my marriage.  He shared with me his commitment to his wife early in their relationship,  “I will build you a house, and put our kids through college”.  How about that as a sign of support, and Roger did that now twice.  With building his second home and putting two daughters through college, Roger continues to live up to his word.  Support is paramount to becoming significant as a father.  

Mike:  The one word I most associate with the impact Gunner has had on me is Passion.  Defined as a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.  No matter what Gunner is involved with, he is passionate about being the best.  Maybe that comes from his upbringing of finding out as a six-year-old that he had been adopted, a fact I did not know until this past March, even though I have known Gunner all my life, or maybe his passion came from being a state champion athlete in high school, Gunner is an “all in” kind of guy.   A meticulous teacher, author, and coach, I have learned from my interactions and viewing how he worked his teachings into his coaching.  I admired how he was highly involved and engaged in his two daughters’ education, athletic careers and transitions to adulthood.  Gunner’s passion has impacted many young families.  Passion is paramount to becoming significant as a father.  

Bob:  The one word I contribute to Bob to having an impact on me as a dad is Perseverance.  Defined as a continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition.  As a young coach with a laser focus for winning titles, and later resigning before season’s end, Bob has demonstrated perseverance as a supportive husband and father, through his desire to be a father at all costs.  Bob’s route to fatherhood is through the path of adoption.  Sometimes for no explainable reasons, families cannot have birth children of their own.  Faced with this opposition, adoption led him to becoming the father of two young daughters.  Working through setbacks and overcoming obstacles along the way, I have learned from Bob, that every child needs a dad.  He and his wife have also positively impacted and encouraged other couples to take the same route.  No matter what challenges fatherhood may bring, I think of how Bob persevered and was given the most coveted title, Dad.  Perseverance is paramount to becoming significant as a father.  

My list of mentors that have impacted me as a father could go on and on. However, looking back over the previous paragraphs, if I can demonstrate loyalty, unconditionally support, live with passion, and have incredible perseverance, I have the opportunity to reach my desired goal of being a better father everyday.

In case you were wondering what my One Word is this year, my word is Significance.  Defined as the quality of being important; the quality of having notable worth or influence I am hoping to be a person of significance for my children as their father.  I say all the time that if I could be a person of success or a person of significance, I want to be a person of significance.  I believe that there are plenty of successful people, but they may not be significant.  They may have all the riches and talents, but do not impact others.  However, if you are a person of significance,  you impact others, then without a doubt,  you are a success.  I thank the four mentors mentioned, as well as many others for being men of significance.  By the way,  if you hadn’t noticed earlier, each of my mentors has two daughters, just like me.  

Monthly Challenge: Make a list of some mentors during your journey of fatherhood.  Come up with One Word that you would use to describe their impact on you as a father.  I encourage you to read Jon Gordon’s book, and I hope you find your One Word that will change your life!  What word will give you focus and meaning to make this year your best year yet?

Monthly Quote: “Don’t chase success.  Instead make a difference and significance will find you.” - Jon Gordon