Fatherhood Evaluation Systems

Evaluation, defined in wikipedia as a tool employers use to review the performance of an employee. Usually, the employee's supervisor (and frequently, a more senior manager) is responsible for evaluating the employee. A private conference is often scheduled to discuss the evaluation.

I am pretty sure that every organization maintains some way of evaluating its workers.  From the annual performance, to quarterly assessments, employers are in tune with what their employees are doing.  In fact, if you do much reading about performance reviews, you'd be convinced that the vast majority of companies are doing great. In one business’s Gallup Poll  it has observed 95% of all employees exceeded their managers' expectations. In another organization, almost all employees, with very few exceptions, received nice year-end bonuses.  The problem is sometimes the numbers don’t measure up to a true quality performance. One has to wonder, if we did a self-evaluation not just on employee performance, but also on fatherhood performance, how would we measure up?

My wife and my chosen profession are as educators.  As educators, we are both evaluated by our superiors.  Within the last couple of years Ohio, and many other states have overhauled its evaluation systems.  Some would say that this is a  much needed change, while just as many would disagree.  My point is not to argue this, or really talk about education, but to use my knowledge, experiences and equate this to my fatherhood and parenting skills.  

The system we operate under as educators ranks from accomplished to skilled to developing to ineffective. To quickly define that would be saying from individualizing to differentiating to traditional to in need of mass change.  So here in lies the question: Where do you rank as a father?

Are you accomplished? Do you individualize for your children by putting everything off and concentrate solely on their needs (not wants) and desires? When you are with them, are you totally engaged in what they are saying and doing, or are you just there?  To be accomplished dads, our children need our undivided attention.

Are you skilled?  Do you differentiate between your children, or if you have one child, are both of you involved in the decision making process of what you plan to do?  When you are with your kids, it is a smattering of give and take, you both take turns speaking and listening, doing and watching.  To be skilled, our children need us to be interactive with them.  

Are you developing?  Are you a traditional parent, one that says each of your kids are different, but then continuously make comparisons between your children or even worse, compare them to other children in the neighborhood, ball team etc.?  If you are raising your kids the same way you were raised, not that all of this is bad, but then recall that at least once during your childhood that you said, “I would never do/say that to my kid”, then you may want to consider looking to complete a self-assessment and identifying what areas you really want to improve upon.

Are you ineffective? Are you a parent that is totally disengaged? Are you the father that even when you are there in presence, you really are not there?  As ineffective fathers, you live your life preoccupied with other distractions. Whether those distractions are work related for example, continuously checking emails etc. while playing ball or eating dinner with the family, to being consumed by other outside influences.  Ineffective fathers are in need of a plan being assigned to them.  Ineffective fathers need an improvement plan to be implemented immediately.  

Even as I write this, I am not certain where sometimes I would rank holistically.  It is common in every profession, and in every walk of life to think that we are better than we really are at times. I would hope that I would stay out of the ineffective category, but I am sure that unfortunately I have spent some time self-consumed and made visits to this ranking.  The important thing to remember is that no matter where you, your spouse, and your kids may rank you, this is a minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day observation.  It may not be possible to always be accomplished.  Just think how much better our communities would be if we followed what some evaluation systems are promoting, that many of us may visit accomplished, but we hope to reside in skilled.  As fathers, if we are working to be present, involved, and engaging with our kids, just think of the positive growth impact we will have on them.  

Monthly Challenge: Take the opportunity to complete a self-evaluation to improve your fatherhood skills.  You can find different challenges by visiting the allprodad.com website or by simply doing a google search.  Once you have your evaluation completed, create two smartgoals and you and your family can monitor your growth.  

Monthly Quote: “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.” - Billy Graham, American evangelical Christian evangelist