'Tis the Season: Time spent with family can be the greatest gift

Ah yes! In case you have yet to notice, the holiday season has arrived,   As we move into the full swing of   this season, keep in mind,  it is intended to be filled with family, friends and fellowship.  During this time, I try to remind myself that isn’t this as the saying goes, “ ‘Tis the season to be jolly?”.  Unfortunately, in recent days, if you have spent any time watching the news, reading the newspaper or engaging in social media of any kind, it does not always seem to work out that way when it comes to many families, shoppers and holidays.   

Too many incidents have been gloried in recent days of really poor adult behavior when it comes to sharing the holiday spirit.  What examples and lessons have been taught to our children when we are watching footage of adults fighting over a tablet, toy or the best sale?  What character traits are we displaying as we are pushing and shoving our way through lines?  I am only hopeful that the people who have acted so irrational are able to look back and accept responsibility for their actions, and regret those actions that have unfortunately put a damper on times that should be bringing families and communities closer together.

While I watched with disgust as adults became involved in physical altercations all across America while shopping, during of all times on Thanksgiving Day, it saddened me to think that in too many cases we have apparently become a society that no longer is just thankful for the time we have together.  It appears that many  are conditioned to speed away from our family to race for retail stores in search of the must have gift, at the can’t miss price.  A phrase I often use to describe the expression “on sale” is, “junk you don’t need at a price that you cannot refuse”.   Think about it, how many times have you purchased something simply because it was on sale whether you needed or really wanted it? Just imagine, people so focused on getting that sale, that they have in many cases cost themselves far more dearly with their loss of control, respect for the fellow man and lack of character.  Furthermore, in some cases shoppers who have started their holiday season trying to save a dollar, end up with criminal charges and fines that are far more costly to their families.  This undoubtedly wasn’t what these shoppers had in mind.   However, when our vision about what the season is really about becomes blurred, our focus does not always allow us to paint a great family portrait.  

This recent display made me think back to the Arnold Schwarzenegger film, Jingle All the Way.  Playing the role of Howard Langston, a salesman for a mattress company who is constantly busy at his job, and he also constantly disappoints his son, misses yet another one of his son's karate exposition;  Afterwards, he tries hard to come up with a way to make it up to him, and believes by getting his son whatever he wants for Christmas will make up for all his lost time.  Unfortunately for Howard, his son wants an immensely popular "Turbo Man" action figure. Howard, worried about other things, forgets to get it, and since it's Christmas Eve, it's sold out everywhere. Since Howard knows he has let his son down in the past, he goes on a quest to track down a "Turbo Man" action figure, and will stop at nothing to get his son the gift that he wants.  As the movie comes to an end, due to the some of the positive actions of his dad, his son realizes he does not even want or for that matter need the doll, since his father is "the real Turbo-Man".   Both father and son realize that the perfect gift is being with each other.

Although this film is filled with some humorous mishaps, and ends with a realization that ‘Tis the Season is not about gifts that are purchased, but about each of us recognizing that we are the true gifts to one another.  As many of us hit the shopping trails in the next weeks, cherish the moments.  I am hopeful that every dad embraces the opportunity to be  their child's “Turbo Man” or whatever your children want you to be.  As we are all looking forward to a fantastic holiday season, let us make sure we count our blessings and make our blessings count by sharing how fortunate we are to be with our families and friends.  I wish you the most remarkable holiday season and a Happy New Year!  

Monthly Challenge

Holidays can certainly be a stressful time.  Make some time to put these 5 tips on How to Avoid the Worst Holiday ever provided by ALL PRO DAD  into practice.

1. Agree to do something with your family.  At least one thing must be a family affair.  Whatever it is make sure you all agree, and you all agree when you will do it.

2. Do what you agreed to do. If you say you are going to help decorate, and your wife begins the process please get off the couch and help.

3. Set aside some true down time.  Make sure everyone gets a chance to just relax at some point.  Discuss it and plan it.

4. Have some holiday cheer.  Don’t be a scrooge or a grinch. Have some fun, and intentionally make a big deal out of things especially if you have children.

5. Don’t make it only about you, or your wife and kids.  Find something you and your family can do that benefits someone less fortunate.

Monthly Quote

“This is my wish for you: peace of mind, prosperity through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, joy to fill your holidays!”     - D.M. Dellinger

Accepting the Challenge

Since beginning this column, I have ended each of the previous sixteen entries with a monthly challenge and quote. From time to  time, I have had people approach me and discuss how they have implemented the different challenges whether it be with their children or in their place of employment.  I was recently encourage to consider an article that would encompass all the previous challenges into one article.  After this conversation, I too thought it would be appropriate to not only re-post, but also to re-take the challenges.  Just as we have recently, ‘fallen back’ in terms of daylight savings time, let’s fall back and move forward, by once again facing some of these previous monthly challenges.  Here listed are the previous challenges.

1.  Think and list 10-15 empowering words that describe your child(ren).  Make time with them to share your list.

2.  Make time with your family to share some of your favorite travel, vacation or childhood memories.  If photo albums or videos are available, make sure to pull them out and spend time recanting these moments.

3. With the school year now up and running, my hope is that you will do a little research on your own and play a role in the academic success of your student.  If you know longer have students in school, look how you may be able to make an impact on a student that lives in your area..  

4. Take time this month to sit down with your children and have your own “Life Lessons” session. Build a list of lessons learned from your upbringing and memories that you can share with your children. Be sure to discuss how that has helped to make you the parent you are today.

5. Sometimes getting out of the house is important. Hop in the family car and go for a drive.  Plan a roadtrip with your children to revisit the place where you grew up.  If this is not possible, sit down and share your childhood memories through pictures and words.

6. Inventory your needs and wants.  Make it a point to share the spirit of Christmas with those around you by choosing an activity of service for your neighborhood or community.  Make somebody’s day by wishing as many people as you can a Merry Christmas.

7.  Ask yourself why you pursue the passions you pursue.   Ask yourself, "Why do I do what I do? What is my purpose? After asking yourself, take the time to reflect and journal your list.

8. List and discuss your families simple pleasures.  Take time to recall the really simple things that continue to put a smile on your face and the face of others.  

9.  Take time to build, define  and share your powerful words and skills that you believe to be paramount to your success on your journey through fatherhood.  Make it a point to share your list with family, friends or co-workers.  

10.  Look over All Pro Dad classic Top 10 list to see how well you measure up as a father.  Set a measurable goal by assigning each key point listed one point.  Take the time to keep a daily or weekly score and discuss your evidence of what or how you did.  Have your family keep score with you and you will have impactful conversations.  

11. Take time to list the top 10 qualities you have learned from your mother that have helped to shape the person that you are today.  If possible, create and frame your list.  It is the perfect gift from your heart.  

12. Cities around the country have linked father-daughter dances together into a national event highlighting the important role of fathers in the lives of their children. Whether it is on stage or in the living room of your own home, make time to dance with your daughter.

13. You may not have to go to the extreme of 6 months as Susan Maushart put her family through, but make it an emphasis to limit screen time for yourself and children.  Chart the hours your family spends being plugged in versus being unplugged.  Remember our children often  watch more closely than we may think, we must model being “unplugged”.

14.  Take the time to watch the music video by Rodney Atkins and listen to the words of “Watching You” intently.  Sit down with your children and discuss a time that you have said or done something that you may not be proud of, but by being immediately honest things worked out.  This activity will emphasize that even when we make mistakes, the most important thing we must do is to be honest take responsibility and live a life of integrity.

15. We all know of a “Big Bob”.  Take time to sit down with and have breakfast with somebody that emulates what the Greatest Generation stood for. Put away the technology and listen to their world wide teachings.  Pay particular attention to their stories of commitment and sacrifice during what as many seem to think of as a much simpler time.

16. Day to day family life can wear all of us down.  Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, you and your family can become drained.  At a minimum, you can lose sight of what is most important in your lives, and put you on the brink of a shutdown. Take time as a family to discuss what you, as a father, believe to be the most important thing you can do for them, and why you believe that to be the case.

Monthly Challenge: Take the challenge of putting the sixteen previous challenges into action.  Keep a checklist handy and grade yourself.  A great way to spend the upcoming Thanksgiving season is to share your results with your family and friends.

Monthly Quote: “Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character. ” ~ Author Unknown, from Be Thankful

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No Shutdown to Fatherhood

If you are like most people, undoubtedly you have had your fill with the Government Shut Down by now.  As the threat and ultimately the reality of the shutdown plays out over time, we must think about our role as fathers within families and even on a much larger scale, within society.  Could you imagine employing such unacceptable behavior as shutting down fatherhood?  However, all too often we may be guilty and failing to recognize that we might be displaying characteristics of a shutdown without knowing it.  Remember the days of going back and forth with, “What did your mother say?”, “What did your father say?” Feeling like a ping pong ball in this conversation, you were ultimately put into a position to be a little deceitful, and you maybe answered one of those questions with,   “She/He said it was ok, if you don’t care”.   

As fathers, we have to remind ourselves that we are always on the clock.  We cannot simply shut down, and yet expect all to go well and receive payment in return.  From the moment our children were born, we were obligated to heed the call.  As fathers, we are servants, elected officials, ones in which our constituents, including our wives and other family members are highly dependent.

Understandably, not all homes are made up the same way.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 24 million children in America -- one out of three -- live in biological father-absent homes.  However, just because we may not fit into the same box as families, we as fathers have to make sure that we are family leaders.  We need to make sure we are the men that our children need to see in times of turmoil and tension as well as during times of triumph.  Recall the reminder, shared by Rodney Atkins in his song, “I’ve Been Watching You”.  We must make sure we do not shut down and do what is best for our children.  

Just as in government, it is likely that we find ourselves in trouble when we think of ourselves first.  Trouble raises its ugly head when we push our own agenda, when we become so immersed in attacking the ‘other side”.  The late American author, salesman, and motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar stated, “Some people find fault like there is a reward for it.”  Think about how many times you may have participated or been witness to such ‘game playing’ at the family level.  What may start out as a perceived harmless comment or action, spirals out of control and ultimately affects family relationships.  All too often during these times, our children end up caught in the middle, sometimes even used as a tactical ploy for adults to get what they want.  This may sound far too familiar and the end result is the same as a governmental shutdown, innocent people are hurt by the selfish actions of a few.  When I think about avoiding shut down,  I am reminded of a quote by Henry Ford, “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”  In retrospect, sometimes you just have to put the common good of others, especially our children, ahead of personal wants.  

A great book and movie, I recently read and watched, that illustrates personal sacrifice is Moneyball.  As a  film, it was nominated for six Academy Awards including Best Actor and Best Picture.  It follows the story of professional baseball’s executive from the Oakland Athletics named Billy Beane (played by Brad Pitt).  The film reminds all of us that when there are difficult times in our lives, we must avoid being selfish.  When there are disagreements within the family (whether married, separated, divorced etc.), we must keep the end product in mind,  that collectively we must do what’s best for our children.   As the film plays out, Beane is faced with a difficult decision in his career, but the words of his daughter from a song she has written for him makes his choice clear.  

Even though he is divorced from the mother of his daughter, and free to move with his daughter’s blessing, in the end, he will not move away from her. He will not shut down as a father, to acquire a financial victory.  Ultimately, he chose a relationship with his daughter over financial gain and career advancement, passing on a $12.5 million dollar salary with the Boston Red Sox.  Hopefully all of us would have the strength to do the same.  Obviously, Billy Beane refused to shut down his role as a father.  He knew that he took the oath, that when he became a father, he was signing up to serve others.  This certainly is a lesson that all of us, including government leaders can apply currently and reflect upon with future decisions.  

Monthly Challenge:

Day to day family life can wear all of us down.  Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, you and your family can become drained.  At a minimum, you can lose sight of what is most important in your lives, and put you on the brink of a shutdown. Take time as a family to discuss what you, as a father, believe to be the most important thing you can do for them, and why you believe that to be the case.

Monthly Quote:

“I don't want to live in the kind of world where we don't look out for each other. Not just the people that are close to us, but anybody who needs a helping hand. I can't change the way anybody else thinks, or what they choose to do, but I can do my bit.” ― Charles de Lint, World Fantasy Award winning author

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