It is well documented that when fathers are involved in their children’s lives, children learn more, thus consequently do better in school, and exhibit healthier behaviors thus avoiding the dangers of poor health habits such as being involved in alcohol and drugs. Therefore the key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have? This was the key message that I recently delivered during the Coshocton County Fatherhood Initiative All Pro Dad breakfast.
We must always remember that love in fatherhood language is spelled T, I, M, E. There is no replacement for spending time engaged with our children. It makes no matter what you do, what matters is that it is done together. My recommendation is to do the free things, or the minimal cost things, because if you do, you want have to pay the big ticket price!
I wrote last time, that we are often being busy, at just being busy. I thought I would take a deeper look at this concept with regards to fatherhood and the use of a resource that many would say we cannot live without: our cell phone. Did you know according to a popular website, Mail Online:
- People look at their phones the most between peak hours of 5pm and 8pm
- During these hours, 75% of users are actively using their devices
- Average number of times a user checks their phone is nine times an hour
- This increases to once every six seconds for 'highest frequency users'
- The average user reaches for their phone at 7:31am in the morning
- These users check personal emails and Facebook before they get out of bed
- And many of us pick up our phones more than 1,500 times each week
- Average owners use their phone for three hours and sixteen minutes a day
- And almost four in ten users admitted to feeling lost without their device
Color it scary! What may be most alarming is that peak hours are what was once and still should be considered family time. We often speak of kids and the need to reduce their screentime, but we had better take an honest look at what we say, and more importantly what we do. The days of, “Do what I say, and Not as I do”, are a thing of the past. Modeling is huge, after all, kids do not care how many sermons you preach to them, the only sermon they hear is how you live your life in front of them.
In her book, The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age, Dr. Steiner-Adair examines ways in which technology and media change how children learn and grow, and shows parents how to balance the benefits of tech while reducing the risks it poses at every stage of development. Steiner-Adair says that as a parent, carving out time to turn off devices — to disconnect from the wired world and engage with the real people who are all around you — is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and the people you love.
I recently put this to practice as this past Sunday, when just a couple of minutes from home, I realized that I had accidentally left my cell phone at home as we left for church. So, the question I asked myself, and then aloud was should I turn back to get it. I was assured by Kendall that there was no reason to turn back. This day was just going to be about us. Hearing this coming from a young girl, that often asks about getting a cell phone or ipad of her own, I agreed and we traveled on.
I am glad I left my phone behind. We had real conversation. We had breakfast. We travelled to visit the burial ground of my father where what has become a tradition, she made and left a birthday card for my dad who would have celebrated his 72nd birthday on this day. We visited the farm that my father grew up on, and I shared stories from when I was her age of what we all did on the farm. I shared how my brother and I would ride a tandem bike down the once empty lane now named, Polen Road. We visited my mother (her Grandma) and my in-laws (her Grandparents). Imagine doing all of this, without a cell phone, no interruptions, no GPS needed, it was a great day of connecting. Abigail Van Buren was famously quoted as saying, “If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money.” This day was a great day. This day really didn’t cost anything but time, and remember TIME = LOVE.
Monthly Quote: We must keep in mind that in the business world, what you don’t get done today can be done tomorrow, but with family, what doesn’t get done today is gone forever. - Rory Vaden
Monthly Challenge: Knowing the statistics, increase your family time as you make an effort to limit your cell phone use. Pay particular attention to the peak hours of use, and commit to having a mandatory unplug for family time.
