School's out for the Summer

It’s official.  Everywhere you look signs are evident that the school year has come to an end. Whether it be the annual Memorial Day parade, First Friday’s, local parks and swimming pools filled with smiling kids, recreations leagues, local sports and church camps, or annual dance recitals, Summer is here.

Summer has always been a provider of great memories to many fathers.  From playing pitch and catch in the backyard with your first baseball mitt, to mowing the lawn a fathers impact has a lasting impression, a summer of learning if you will.  

As summer officially kicks off, it made me think of the unique opportunities that summer seems to allow.  Obviously, days are longer and there seems to be more opportunities to be active.  With the longer days and more daylight, naturally we also spend more time outside.  Without the pressures of completing homework assignments and studying for tests, summer just seems to have a different pace.  With the extra time and hours, families also seemed to spend more time together.  Whether it be time spent completing tasks such as mowing the yard, possibly baling the hay and repairing your own car, to more enjoyable times of playing double-or-nothing wiffle ball and hide and seek, summer days seem to last forever.  

Growing up, summer allowed time to complete my necessary chores and yet, leave plenty of time to play.  As a kid, other than in house chores and outside work duties, I was outside until dark nightly.  Summer allowed me to spend the most time with not only my friends but also my father.  I understand that working  in education field, that my daily schedule may allow for greater opportunities to spend time at home, however my dads work dynamics as a truck driver did not allow for such luxury.  Even though his work times did not change, we seemed to seem him more, as he seemed to be around more, and more involved.  Looking back now, I think it makes sense as my dad still arrived home roughly around 4:00, spent some time with us, maybe sacrificing some sleep to watch a few innings of our baseball games, ate, showered and went to bed only to arise about 10:00 to be on the road again.  The difference was, without school in session we were actually awake we he awoke, and headed back to work, meaning we had another opportunity to interact and see him.  Summer also meant, that we were allowed to go on the road with my dad a few times.  It was really neat to see my dad perform his job, and realize that he was  not just a truck driver, but that he was an incredibly talented one that was known and  respected at every stop we made.  I really had no idea, and admittedly did not appreciate what my father did as much as I should have.

Without a doubt, one of the most enjoyable summer activities we had was the neighborhood game of hide-and-seek.  This game incorporated the entire northern end of town, including the adults, and spanned out over four yards.  One of the  things my family really enjoys to discuss when we get together are these times.  In particular we marvel at the fact that our dad was probably the best player in the neighborhood, considering that he should have been without a doubt the easiest to find.  After all, how easy is it to hide when you stand 6’3 and weigh 300 pounds! However remarkably, he more often than not was able to flash a big grin when the call of, “all-y, all-y in free” had the players not found to come out from hiding to start a new game.  It was often that this mountainous of a man would hide motionless inside of bushes, or lay lifeless on a gravel drive under a car!  

Summertime was filed with sun up to sun down activity, we didn’t seem to have a care in the world.  In fact,  time seemed to stand still as we went on long bike rides, played ball and had to be called inside when it was so dark we could no longer see.  I say all of this to remind us all of that feeling when we were kids and school being out for the summer.  I say all of this to encourage all of us as dads to get and stay active this summer with our kids!  To quote my favorite country music performer Kenny Chesney, from his hit song Summertime:

School's out and the nights roll in

Man, just like a long lost friend

You ain't seen in a while

And can't help but smile

Happy Summer!

Monthly Challenge: Sit down with your children and discuss what you enjoyed the most about school being out for the summer when you were a kid.  Be sure to include what special times your father spent with you.  

Monthly Quote:  Summertime is always the best of what might be. - Charles Bowden, American author and journalist

Fatherhood Evaluation Systems

Evaluation, defined in wikipedia as a tool employers use to review the performance of an employee. Usually, the employee's supervisor (and frequently, a more senior manager) is responsible for evaluating the employee. A private conference is often scheduled to discuss the evaluation.

I am pretty sure that every organization maintains some way of evaluating its workers.  From the annual performance, to quarterly assessments, employers are in tune with what their employees are doing.  In fact, if you do much reading about performance reviews, you'd be convinced that the vast majority of companies are doing great. In one business’s Gallup Poll  it has observed 95% of all employees exceeded their managers' expectations. In another organization, almost all employees, with very few exceptions, received nice year-end bonuses.  The problem is sometimes the numbers don’t measure up to a true quality performance. One has to wonder, if we did a self-evaluation not just on employee performance, but also on fatherhood performance, how would we measure up?

My wife and my chosen profession are as educators.  As educators, we are both evaluated by our superiors.  Within the last couple of years Ohio, and many other states have overhauled its evaluation systems.  Some would say that this is a  much needed change, while just as many would disagree.  My point is not to argue this, or really talk about education, but to use my knowledge, experiences and equate this to my fatherhood and parenting skills.  

The system we operate under as educators ranks from accomplished to skilled to developing to ineffective. To quickly define that would be saying from individualizing to differentiating to traditional to in need of mass change.  So here in lies the question: Where do you rank as a father?

Are you accomplished? Do you individualize for your children by putting everything off and concentrate solely on their needs (not wants) and desires? When you are with them, are you totally engaged in what they are saying and doing, or are you just there?  To be accomplished dads, our children need our undivided attention.

Are you skilled?  Do you differentiate between your children, or if you have one child, are both of you involved in the decision making process of what you plan to do?  When you are with your kids, it is a smattering of give and take, you both take turns speaking and listening, doing and watching.  To be skilled, our children need us to be interactive with them.  

Are you developing?  Are you a traditional parent, one that says each of your kids are different, but then continuously make comparisons between your children or even worse, compare them to other children in the neighborhood, ball team etc.?  If you are raising your kids the same way you were raised, not that all of this is bad, but then recall that at least once during your childhood that you said, “I would never do/say that to my kid”, then you may want to consider looking to complete a self-assessment and identifying what areas you really want to improve upon.

Are you ineffective? Are you a parent that is totally disengaged? Are you the father that even when you are there in presence, you really are not there?  As ineffective fathers, you live your life preoccupied with other distractions. Whether those distractions are work related for example, continuously checking emails etc. while playing ball or eating dinner with the family, to being consumed by other outside influences.  Ineffective fathers are in need of a plan being assigned to them.  Ineffective fathers need an improvement plan to be implemented immediately.  

Even as I write this, I am not certain where sometimes I would rank holistically.  It is common in every profession, and in every walk of life to think that we are better than we really are at times. I would hope that I would stay out of the ineffective category, but I am sure that unfortunately I have spent some time self-consumed and made visits to this ranking.  The important thing to remember is that no matter where you, your spouse, and your kids may rank you, this is a minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day observation.  It may not be possible to always be accomplished.  Just think how much better our communities would be if we followed what some evaluation systems are promoting, that many of us may visit accomplished, but we hope to reside in skilled.  As fathers, if we are working to be present, involved, and engaging with our kids, just think of the positive growth impact we will have on them.  

Monthly Challenge: Take the opportunity to complete a self-evaluation to improve your fatherhood skills.  You can find different challenges by visiting the allprodad.com website or by simply doing a google search.  Once you have your evaluation completed, create two smartgoals and you and your family can monitor your growth.  

Monthly Quote: “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.” - Billy Graham, American evangelical Christian evangelist

Getting a Fatherhood Realignment

Without doubt, family structures have changed.  What was once referred to as a “Nuclear” or “Traditional” family are no longer as prevalent as they once were.  With that being said, as fathers and society we must be willing to accept that not only have the structures changed, but so must the roles. In many cases no longer is the male the only or primary breadwinner in the family.  In fact in many homes, the wife is the primary breadwinner and the dad know is the new “Mr. Mom”.  You all recall the 1983 hit movie starring Michael Keaton right?  Playing the role of Jack, After being laid off, a husband and wife switch roles with her returning to the work force and he becoming a stay at home dad, a role to which he doesn't have a clue.  Thankfully we have grown from this as a society just as Jack did throughout the movie, finally accepting his role as a father from house chores to kid duty, being present as a father was evident.  I also understand that not all dads are in the same situations.

I thought a lot about this role as the recent flu epidemic has made its way through our home just like many others.  I understand not all families may have the ability for either mom or dad to stay home from work to care for their children when sick, and I am in no way being judgmental.  But dad’s, if you are able, I call on you to take an active role in these duties.  With our daughter suffering from all the flu symptoms, she could not go to school.  Somebody had to be with her, to care for her.  Simply, it was my turn.  Duties that I only witnessed my mother performing while growing up, I must now accept as part of fatherhood.  We do remember our vows right, “in sickness and in health”.  I acknowledge that I do not understand the procedures and protocols that are part of each of your occupations, and that unfortunately not all employers are as they once were, “family first”.  I would just say from experience, that our children and wives are also very appreciative of our willingness to be there in times of need.  

As our home began to return to full strength, I was reminded in the past week with the recent sequence of events that have played out with regards to Daniel Murphy, a second baseman for the New York Mets.  Mr. Murphy,  has been catching flak from a New York radio show hosts  after he missed two games, including Opening Day, to be with his wife as she gave birth to their first child, a boy, Noah. Murphy's decision to miss the games drew criticism on New York's WFAN radio hosts Mike Francesca and Boomer Esiason.  Francesca went as far as calling the paternity leave a "scam" and a "gimmick," according to the New York Daily News.  Is our fatherhood really that far out of alignment?  Myself, I have never been a fan of Francesca, and I understand his controversy is what has made him his living, but I am highly offended as a professional, and father that he would strike such a low blow to the obligations of dads everywhere.  I guess what really gets under my skin, is that it is hard to believe that comments like this would come from a man, according to Wikipedia, is a married father to three children all under the age of 10, and was an abandoned child by his father himself.  You would think that one that has risen above such hardships would be more compassionate about a man standing up to be a real father.  

As  if he comments were not  humiliating and insulting enough to all fathers, the  equally ridiculous comments of Boomer Esiason still shows that we have a long way to go.   Even more amazingly from a professional, who he himself has been celebrated for his role as a dad. Honored with a Sports Illustrated over photo and article released October 4, 1993 while playing quarterback for the NY Jets, Esiason seems to have forgotten that he was called off the field during mini-camp and rushed back to Cincinnati to be with his ailing son.  In fact, people in the past week have asked that his award, being named the 2009 "Father of the Year” be revoked after his attack.  Boomer Esiason apologized the next day -- some say it was sincere and heartfelt, (I don’t buy it) stating that he wasn’t referring to the average dad, but to “someone like me, you have a unique job, and you have the wherewithal to maybe afford care that some people may not, stuff like that, then you get back to work”.  Boy thanks Boomer! Thanks for clarifying that only some dads need to parent their children or be an active presence in their family’s lives.

Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Murphy on the birth of your first child. Thank you Mr. Murphy and all other dads who take time to be with alongside their wives during this once in a lifetime event.  It is said that there will be very few times that we can recall the exact date, time, and place that great events took place in our lives, and hopefully you were present and lucky enough to celebrate the birth of your children to this degree.  

Thank you to all dads that may be playing the role of Jack. 

Thank you for all the dads that take the necessary time to provide and care for their children during times of sickness and health. 

I would say for the many of us, that long after we are done playing baseball, pushing paper, teaching children, driving truck or whatever our occupations may be,  we'll have our family, and the memory of when our children were delivered  into the world.  Let us not be a society of fathers moving forward that aligns the tires on our automobiles more than what we align our responsibilities as fathers.  

Monthly Quote:

“Never stop doing the little things for others.  Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.” - unknown

Monthly Challenge:

According to the results of a 2007 University of Cincinnati study by sociology professor David Maume, 78 percent of women reported that they are the ones taking time off from work to stay home with an ill child versus only 28 percent of men whom indicated that they are just as likely to do so. The next time one of your family members happens to be ill, be involved.  Whether it is running to the store at 2:30 in the morning for tums, pepto, and 7-up or scrubbing the bathroom toilet and floor.  Don’t leave it for somebody else.  

Views from the Hot Seat...: A Tribute: Charlie Huggins

Views from the Hot Seat...: A Tribute: Charlie Huggins: Saying thanks is something we typically reserve for Thanksgiving Day--noble but oftentimes quite scripted.  Writing this blog, however, allo...

Snow and the Good Old Days

Have you had enough winter yet?

If your family is anything like mine, you may have had your fill of Old Man Winter.  It seems that he continuously has wrecked havoc on our already too busy lives, causing us to deal with delays, obstacles, and cancellations.  

From two hour delays, to cancellations, to cabin fever and the flu bug, as fathers and families we have faced all types of conditions.  With this, the question that comes to mind, is, "How do we deal with all of this?  Do we make these times memorable?, or do we allow these times to consume us with bitterness and frustration?  We must always keep in mind the quote of Sir Isaac Newton,  “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”   We obviously cannot control the uncontrollables, such as the weather, because I would think that if we could, for many of us, it would be as the Joe Nichols song states, Sunny and 75.  But since we have winter we might as well enjoy it.

With the snow piling up, along with a crunchy topping of ice, strong winds and bitter cold many were forced to spend their time in the great indoors.  For the better part of winter, it was too cold to enjoy the mountainous snow. However, as a family, we were able to enjoy enough days doing what I just loved to do as a kid growing up; building forts, snowmen, making snow angels and most importantly, sled riding.

I have shared with my daughters, that this may be the first time that they have seen real snow. All of us that grew up in the 1970’s now what I mean.  I remember my first experience with a blizzard, and being out of school what seemed to be like an entire month.  I grew up in a neighborhood with two key sled riding hills.  Fortunately for me, one of these were located right next to my home, Cerana Hill.  

These were the days, of layering up, putting the bread sacks over your feet in hopes of keeping your feet dry and warm inside the hand-me-down boots.  These were the days of  layering up with anything that you could find to keep yourself as warm and dry as possible.  Yes kids, there were times prior to dri-fit and fleece wear that now allow you to stay warm and dry within the same form fitting apparel.  

Secondly, there was Stocker Hill.  This hill was where the toboggans and inner tubes would fly down the hill from the Moravian Star on top to an erected monument at the bottom.  When you mounted your sleigh atop of Stocker Hill, it had the look of a Olympic ski jump.  This hill was the “major leagues” of sledding.  

One of the special memories I have of visiting the south end of the town was that parents were always involved in the snow day games.  There was nothing better than taking a toboggan sled with 4 or more people or stacking as many people as you could on a truck tire inner tube that my dad provided from work to tackle the hills.  We grew up resourceful,  using anything from washer and dryer lids to homemade runners sleds that would  have made the Little Rascals Our Gang Clubhouse proud.  Vivid memories, well captured in pictures, from raging fires to help keep kids warm, to actually sledding the trails, these good old days, were not just about kids. These days were about fathers, families and communities playing together.  My thoughts;  my kids have to experience this!

Fast forward to the winter of 2014.  Being in the role of the adult, some of the neighbors and I decided to attack the hills that now surround our homes with our kids.  On the days we were able to hit the “slopes”, they were filled with crashes, laughter and fatigue.  I found that father time may be catching up with me a bit.  There still may be nothing like riding a sled and hearing the giggles, the  “whoa’s”, and the “look out’s!” as we barreled down the hills.  There is nothing like a well worn path to build the speed and go further each trip down.  But unfortunately, this is also when I was reminded to the fact that it is a lot more fun going down the hill then coming up.   

Dragging a sleigh full of kids back up the hill is no longer an easy task, as it once seemed.  I found myself well tired out prior to the kids almost instantly.  It made me think back to the one dad who was always waiting at the top of the hill.   You know the description, he was the one that was the “professional fire builder”.  He was the dad that just had to stay close to the fire to as he described, “to add logs to the fire”.  As I dropped to my knees and laid in the snow with my legs heavy and lungs burning, I had to ask myself, had I become that guy?  I did mention that as kids, my generation was resourceful right! What a joyous sight it is to see my neighbor come barreling down the hill in his golf cart to save the day.  

As we begin to see the settle hints of spring, I truly hope you had the opportunity to make memories while enjoying your delays and cancellations in your resourceful ways.

Monthly Challenge:

Think back to your childhood and share your winter tales of your resourcefulness.  If you have the opportunity to provide pictures to your tales, make sure to get out the boxes, dust off the lids and share your memories of the snow and good old days with your children.

Monthly Quote:

“If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.” - Ecclesiastes 11:4

Coshocton County Fatherhood Initiative: All Pro Dad Breakfast

What dad doesn't enjoy breakfast? Especially when it is being prepared for you, and it has to taste better sitting with your child(ren)! On Thursday January 30th and Friday January 31st I had the distinct pleasure of sharing the importance of being an involved father with approximately 1,000 combined students and parents! It is also appropriate I believe at this time to add that the new Coshocton Elementary School is amazingly huge and beautiful!

Being a father of two young daughters myself, I am constantly trying to improve.  I often share during these keynotes what I need to hear myself, after all, we all need to be reminded and influenced.  I am a subscriber to the All Pro Dad daily email list, and receive links to their blog entries daily.  I would also recommend that you log onto their website allprodad.com  as it is a great place to visit  for the plethora of resources or if you would like to get more involved.

Using a sports analogy and being backed by Super Bowl winning coach and fatherhood advocate, Tony Dungy, the All Pro Dad Breakfast is just another avenue of getting dads into the schools.  With games and raffles, dads have the opportunity to be with their kids on “their turf”.  In this case, it was discussed that this may have been the first opportunity some dads had the ability to visit the brand new school that has just recently opened and is continuing to look better and better each day.

Incorporating the theme of sports and fundamentals, I challenge the fathers as Coach Dungy alludes to, “To Be the One”.  Challenged with the stats that show that there are far too many fatherless homes, and single mothers left to raise their children; we need to not only talk about, but show our child(ren) that we are their Hero.  Our child(ren) should have to look no further than their dad to see their hero.  I love the saying, and have it proudly displayed during my speaking, “A Dad is a son’s first Hero, and his Daughter’s first Love”.  I am not sure there is  a more true statement! With that now said, here are some highlights.

Being Your Kids Hero

• Just like in sports,  fundamentals are important in fatherhood!
• The two most important fundamentals of fatherhood are love and leadership!
• As fathers we spell love, T.I.M.E!
• To win in sports, we must execute the fundamentals!
• To be an All Pro Dad, those same principles apply!
• An All Pro Dad is no ordinary dad!
• An All Pro Dad makes the extra effort to be Extraordinary!

When fathers are involved in the education of their children:

•their children learn more

•perform better in school

•exhibit healthier behaviors

Just like in my closing thoughts at the breakfast,  I would like to leave you with this in mind.  The late Kentucky Highway Patrolman and motivational speaker Leo Mudd use to speak of  the 4T’s :Take time to Think.  Well, here are 4 things to take time to think about. 

•The Character of a Child is Rooted in the way he or she is raised

•My children are a product of my parenting

•Modeling is the Most Powerful of All teachers

•Children will hear half of what you say, but see 100% of what you do!

"THE BROOM"

Great fatherhood takes balance, stability and the ability to focus on the task at hand!

Thanks to the Coshocton Elementary staff, Coshocton City Schools, Coshocton Fatherhood Initiative and the many volunteers from the Coshocton community agency’s for making this event possible. Thank you to the students and fathers for allowing me to be a part of your day!